Confessions of Professional Christmas Chaos Goblins
Christmas chaos goblins don’t plan the holidays — we survive them. It’s December way-too-late o’clock, the decorations are half up, the gifts are theoretical, and somehow we’re still sprinting toward Christmas with our pants on fire and zero chill. If you’re chronically late, wildly overwhelmed, and deeply committed to “I meant to do that in November,” welcome. You’re among your people.
(Co-written by Liz & Holly, the co-founders who still have Halloween decorations up and zero regrets)
Liz: Okay, real talk—it’s December way-too-fucking-late o’clock and we just dropped our Christmas collection like a drunk aunt dropping the charcuterie board face-first into the dip. We’re sprinting into the holiday season with our pants on fire and zero chill.
Holly: The family group chat is a war zone of “just checking sizes again :)” and “did you forget us?” Meanwhile we’re over here like “wait, we were doing gifts? I thought we all agreed emotional damage was the present this year.”
Liz: Spoiler: turns out a gas-station candle and a hug does NOT count as thoughtful, Karen.
Holly: So we made the only holiday collection designed exclusively for people operating on God’s Chaos Timeline™. If your life motto is “I meant to do that in November but then I blinked,” this shit is for you.
Liz: Behold, the official uniform of professional procrastinators:
- The “I’m the reason we can’t have nice things” Black sheep Sweatshirt – for when you roll up three hours late with a bottle of $9 wine and the confidence of a man who thinks socks-with-sandals is a personality.
Holly:
- The “Running Late is my Christmas Tradition” – perfect for the family photo where you’re still wearing your coat because “I literally just walked in, Brenda, Jesus.”
Liz:
- The “This is my Pretending to be Jolly” sarcastic Christmas sweater – because changing out of three-day-old leggings would require executive function, Susan.
Holly:
- The “Merry Fuck all this” Tumbler – hand it to your partner with a wink right before they Google divorce lawyers.
Liz:
- And the “Ho Ho Holy Fuck I need a Drink” 16oz Pint glass – for when you yeet a half-charged AirPods case in there and call it “curated minimalism.”
Holly: We’re not bad people. We’re just… temporally challenged. We hit our peak performance at 11:57 p.m. on December 23rd when Amazon Prime still has two-hour delivery and our credit cards start sending SOS texts.
Liz: If you’re currently stress-Googling “is an IOU considered a felony,” stop. Breathe. Click 2sbsnarkshop.com and suit up in merch that doesn’t judge you for being late—it high-fives you for it.
Holly: Walk into that party wearing “Barely Merry” like the hot mess legend you were always meant to be.
Liz: And when Aunt Linda side-eyes your empty hands, just point at your chest and go, “Read the shirt, Linda.”
Both of us: Shop the full chaos collection before we’re late to our own damn deadline (again) at 2sbsnarkshop.com.
Merry Crisis, babies. May your packages beat 2026.
xoxo
Liz & Holly
Your favorite late gremlins who love you exactly as dysfunctional as you are